i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
