He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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