Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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