I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
