We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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