we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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