What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
