Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
