Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
