sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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