don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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