Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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