Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
