i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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