she woke up with a sticky ear
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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