I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.