At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
