just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
