i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
