I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
