my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
