I CAN MOONWALK!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
