did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
