If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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