dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
