New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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