i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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