Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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