How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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