New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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