suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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