someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
