The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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