dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
