you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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