Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's just like the Real World with babies
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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