I just cut my nipple shaving
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
