I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
