hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
