moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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