Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
