Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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