pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
