You smell like stripper and shame
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
