Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sponge bath it is.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
