I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
