You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Randomize
