i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
