he puts the penis in happiness.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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