Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
