...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
