i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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