Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
