Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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