Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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