Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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