i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
