Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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