Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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