So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
