party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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