i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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