I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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