I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
