By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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