Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I had to cum in my sink.
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