i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
