My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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