I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
