so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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