If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You're like the curious george of whores
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
