How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish my penis had a tongue
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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