she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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