her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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