Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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