I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
