I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
