Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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