Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
