Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
