Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
