the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
