I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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