so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
