dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My pussy is not your playground.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
